Investing Is Sexy

The only thing more sexy than a 1/7th scale figure and 1:1 size dakimakura is a robust investment profile filled with wise decisions.

In this post, I’m going to cover the most important stocks you can buy to impress your Waifu\Husbando. In fact, they will be so wow’d by this amazing DD (due diligence) that you’ll feel sophisticated and smart even if you have no fucking idea what you’re really saying.

Full disclosure:
I know nothing about investment, I just own a waifu website. This post is satire. I’m not even sure if these companies are real.

$GME

When is the last time you walked into a Gamestop? That’s right, probably a long time. But recently I walked into one and found a Cowboy Bebop T-shirt. That’s right, Gamestop is now offering anime merchandise. And I’m not talking Funko Pops (are you fucking 12? buy a real figure) I mean REAL DECENT MERCH. I am so bullish on GME I bought at $90 simply because I know it can go over $9000 per share. The next stop is Namek for this stock.

$AMC

In California anime is actually pretty available at your normal theaters thanks to folks at Crunchyroll, Funimation, and Fathom events. Sometimes they fuck up and put 30 minutes of interviews with the english cast that you don’t give a shit about in front of the subbed premier of No Game No Life: Zero, but other times it’s great! (Seriously what the fuck were you thinking?)

I actually watched the Konosuba movie in theaters, too! Additionally, the first chance we’ll get to see Heaven’s Feel Part 3 will be in theaters (and It will be cheaper than Aniplex even with Soda & Popcorn and sacrificing your first born).

It’s really important now more than ever for Weebs to become investors so we can show AMC and other theaters that they must survive and continue bringing Waifus to the big screen.

$AMD

How are we supposed to power all these 3d anime tiddies from Illusionsoft without the horsepower of a good processor? How are we supposed to handle the next generation of Oculus Rift & HTC Vive?

Joking. No one should buy Oculus after they are forcing us to use Facebook accounts. You really want Facebook to know you spent 30+ hours in VRCHAT talking to furries on the shrine map? Before you know it ads are suggesting gorilla body suits and after a while you start thinking it’s not such a bad idea. Next thing you know you’re being loaded into an ambulance by giggling paramedics. You had heat stroke because you couldn’t escape the costume you bought on a warm summers day. Your family knows, your neighbor knows, the whole town knows. The cute barista at Starbucks who knows your name even knows. The <3 she would write next to your name will disappear forever. I’m not accusing facebook of turning people into furries but I am extremely bearish on $FB.

That aside, did anyone catch the last episode of Beastars? I think it’s pretty laughable as an anime only watcher to put Legoshi & Haru into Crunchyroll’s Best Couple Award as an option.

Anyway, AMD has been killing it for several years and is a steal right now at less than $90 per share. I love AMD and have been holding their stock since it was $4 per share back in my college days.

$CRSR

I have been and will continue to purchase Corsair Products for my main PC. I have all corsair peripherals (except the headset). The mouse is smooth, the keyboard is quiet, the power supply is solid, and the cases are sexy. Honestly, look at all these cases. See those windows on the side? You’re supposed to put your Waifu figures INSIDE the case and get one of those CPU coolers with the animated gif support.

$NET

Cloudflare powers a lot of Waifu websites around the internet, this site included. They are launching new pages and I hope one day they launch storage support so I can move our CDN to them and save some money with a better pricing model. I am bullish on $NET since they are such a huge player in the internet game. If Cloudflare keeps it up we could easily see them above $200/share for reasons that are totally arbitrary (I just picked a number).

Where to buy stock?

You can find a broker of your choice easily online. I personally use TD Ameritrade. In the past I have used Merril Edge. They look like dogshit but won’t unlawfully restrict your trades.